This section will help you prepare to engage in difficult questions, whether you are in your home culture or already abroad.
There are numerous places for you to find good information about what’s going on where you’ll be. You can also try to pick up pieces of the language and learn about the cultural practices and communication preferences of the people you’ll be interacting with.
Learning all you can about the place you’ll be and the people who form that culture will give you a more concrete understanding of the norms there.
There are about 7.3 billion people scattered among almost 200 nations across the earth.
There are hundreds of thousands of subcultures and over 6,900 languages spoken.
The range of questions you might encounter are hard to quantify, but here are a few examples. Roll over each person to see some questions you might face.
Opinions about the United States and communication preferences will vary wildly across regions. Our overview and the resources and tips provided here can give you a starting point, but you’ll really have to dive in to find out specifics about where you are or where you’re headed.
By building this knowledge base you will be better equipped to identify some of the issues you might encounter, and when you’re communicating with people it will help you understand their motives a bit better.
Consider the following example.
Meet Maria and Julia. They are two travelers who have just arrived in a new location. Maria had spent a summer abroad in school, but the location was very different from where she just landed. Julia has not traveled much, but she has done a fair amount of research about the people and culture where she is visiting.
They each hail a cab. How will their experiences differ?
Good morning, Ma’am. You’re looking lovely today. That dress is very attractive and makes you look very pretty. All the men will be looking at you. What is the address of your destination?
(Wow, I just got here and I’m already getting compliments. This guy is really forward, but I kind of like it!)
Why thank you. I just bought this dress. Hopefully that’s not the last compliment I get tonight. I’m going to the Silver Fork Restaurant at 726 Garden Lane.
(This guy is being way too forward. Ugh. I just got here and I’m already concerned about my safety between this guy and all the news stories. I’m just going to give him the address and not engage.)
Good morning, Sir. I am going to the Silver Fork Restaurant at 726 Garden Lane.
It’s interesting that a woman your age is all alone. Are you not married? You don’t have children?
(This driver is very friendly. I’m just going to chat with him during this short ride. It doesn’t matter what I tell him because I’ll never see him again after I get out of the taxi.)
Oh, I’m from Eau Claire, Wisconsin, in the United States, a mid-sized town. My parents and brother live there. I just got divorced and I’m now living here in a studio apartment. We never had children, so I’m all alone.
(This driver is asking too many personal questions. I must not share any information that would encourage this conversation. I will give a short, polite answer.)
I’m just visiting this city, and my family is well, thank you.
So how old are you? Why don’t you have any children?
(I guess in this culture it’s okay to ask a woman her age and about her children.)
I’m 35, and my ex-husband and I were only married a short time so we didn’t have children.
(I know in this culture it’s common to talk about family, but I am foremost concerned about my safety and I don’t want to share this information. I will deflect this question by asking about our journey.)
Sir, thank you for asking about my family. How far are we from the restaurant?
As you can see, an understanding of the culture and expectations surrounding communication preferences provide some distance with certain topics, which can be crucial when dealing with difficult questions and personal safety, in this example.
With practice you can improve your navigation of topics that can be difficult for you, whether you choose to actively engage in these types of conversations or disengage from whoever you’re speaking with.
Even when topics carry emotional weight, by trying to understand where the questioner is coming from and doing your best to keep from taking things personally, you will have the ability to maneuver more freely within the conversation.
Keep in mind that there is often not one “right” way to communicate. Depending on where you are and who you’re speaking with, you can find yourself in conversations about topics that wouldn’t normally come up where you’re from. Exploring your surroundings can help prepare you for these types of situations.
No matter where you are—whether you’re still in your home culture or immersed in the new culture—there are many things you can do to help you prepare for difficult questions. As you move through the slideshow below, select the hotspots to see what kind of activities can help you build your skills and refine your attitude.
Note: All of these activities could be done either in your home culture or when you are in the new culture, though for some cultures you may have a harder time obtaining certain media.
The activities you engage in before you head into the new culture and while you’re there can help make your adjustment easier. These small interactions will help you to build your conversational abilities and confidence. Genuinely try to exit your comfort zone if you are hesitant to speak the language. Using even just a few local phrases can diffuse an otherwise difficult or uncomfortable situation.
The important thing is that you are finding ways to insert yourself in the local culture and partake of a friendly exchange. These practices will help you develop the attitude and skills you’ll need for effective cross-cultural communication and can be useful tools to aid in navigating many difficult interactions.
View a printable resource on general engagement tips.Along with researching the new culture and its communication habits, it’s also enlightening to look inward to understand your own communication preferences and comfort levels.
0-9–Please answer all of the questions.
10-20–You have a relatively low comfort with other cultures. You are just beginning to have intercultural experiences and benefiting from them. Start seeking out opportunities to learn about other cultures from people you know, books and magazines, internet articles, and attending local cultural sites and events.
21-30–You have a moderate comfort with other cultures. You have had some success with interactions with people from different cultures. Continue to be open to new knowledge and experiences.
31-40–You are comfortable with other cultures. You seek out intercultural interactions and enjoy the experiences. Continue to expand beyond your comfort zone and reflect on your learning.
41-50–You are extremely comfortable with other cultures. Congratulations on building competence and confidence in your intercultural interactions! Continue on your journey to learn about people from other cultures, and share your learning with others who are in similar circumstances.
Regardless of what your comfort level is, with practice and new experiences you can become more comfortable in unfamiliar situations.
Self-reflection will help you grasp which situations you’re already good at and which ones might need some more of your attention when you’re out in the world.
And whether or not you’re aware of it, you’re already practicing some of the skills that you will need to employ when you’re communicating cross-culturally. One of these skills is style switching.
Depending on whom you are communicating with, how you present and inhabit yourself may change. This includes your non-verbal and verbal communication preferences.
For example, consider Sarah. First, she is a daughter and sister. If she marries, she becomes a wife and daughter-in-law, then maybe a mother. She can also become an aunt and a grandmother.
She is also a friend, neighbor, student or employee. She may also be a boss and team member. In public, she could be a customer, pedestrian, patient, or worshiper.
Each of these roles carries different responsibilities and positions and you adjust your behavior, speaking style, and decision making depending on the people and situation. This is called style switching.
Style switching often occurs unconsciously. It is the subtle or significant adjustment in your behavior and communication style that you make when talking with different people and reacting to different circumstances.
You may unconsciously shift your tone of voice or consciously assume a more defensive posture. You might turn some traits up and others off entirely, or you might mirror or imitate the style of the person you’re communicating with.
Style switching is relatively easy in your own culture because you are familiar with all the norms and values. When entering a new culture, you need to learn both the explicit and implicit rules, and then adjust your communication and behavior accordingly to forge relationships and accomplish tasks.
You have been in a new country for about three months and are settling in. Through work and your neighborhood, you have become part of a group of five or six friends with similar interests, and you enjoy gathering for meals or outdoor activities. Up until now the casual conversations have been about people’s daily lives, families, and hobbies. Due to international news coverage of some recent gun violence in the United States, while at dinner, several friends wanted to discuss this topic. They strongly believe in their government’s policy of restricting access to guns and have often cited lower violent crime rates as evidence that this type of policy works. One person pointedly asks you, “Do you support private gun ownership, and do you own a gun?”
Given that you are speaking with a group of peers, which option reflects the style you might use to answer the question? Each option will have a different result.
This answer asks your friends for a frank discussion which they will probably agree to. If you share that you support gun ownership, you should be prepared to defend your answer. Given that your peer group believes in their government’s decisions, you are likely to have an easier discussion if you state that you believe in stricter gun control policy.
In either case, you should maintain your integrity while showing that you want to strengthen your relationships.
This is an attempt to deflect the question, which is perfectly understandable. However, your friends may feel you are evasive and not genuine, which may damage the relationship.
This answer provides a direct response to your friend’s question. It is based on facts and you are sharing your views. This response may inspire a lengthy conversation about policies and their impact.
Eating out will also help you start to differentiate from street food and special occasion food.
