Get Out There

04 Engage

Get Out There

Engaging and Adjusting

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Introduction

Whether you’re getting ready to go to a new location or you’re already there, eventually you’ll have to head out into the world and participate.

Up to this point we’ve covered some of the basic methods to help you prepare for cross-cultural interactions and difficult questions, but here is where all that preparation and your new knowledge comes into play.

By getting out there, talking to people, and practicing the mindset and tactics for effective cross-cultural communication, you’ll get more comfortable—even when it’s necessary to disengage.

This section will cover first impressions and how you might be perceived. It will then break down the components that go into the act of communication itself. Finally, we will present you with a number of tips to help you to engage with or disengage from difficult questions.

This section covers the During phase of the interaction cycle. When you’re actively engaging in cross-cultural exchanges, there are a number of things you can do to sharpen your skills.

Interaction cycle with During highlighted.

During Immersion in a New Culture

Engage with a variety of people to experience a broad spectrum of communication styles and situations (neighbors, coworkers, shopkeepers, service providers).

The more people you talk with the more you will learn about the people, culture, current events, and social norms. This will accelerate your adaptation process.

Continue to consult with your “cultural informants” to discuss your ongoing experiences.

Your “cultural informant” can help you process your experiences and establish a deeper understanding of local communication styles and nuances.

Continue to learn the basics of the language. Ask for translations or interpretations for unfamiliar words or expressions.

With more frequent exposure to the language, you will begin to learn faster and have more opportunities to use it.

Select the arrow to the side to see how these tips will help you answer difficult questions.

During Each Interaction

Actively listen and try to decode what people are saying. If you don’t understand some parts of the conversation, try to infer meaning from context.

Active listening helps you detect the speaker’s tone, meaning, and intention. These cues will help you formulate your answer to a difficult question.

Ask probing questions to acquire deeper meaning.

Probing questions help you understand the speaker’s perspective and motivation, which will help determine how you answer difficult questions.

Try to interpret facial expressions and body language.

Facial expressions and body language provide more cues about the speaker, and your assessment of the speaker’s mood and intention will guide your answers.

Try to maintain perspective as you have experiences with different people. The cultural context you are in will govern a number of the expectations surrounding your day to day communications.

Select the arrow to the side to see how these tips will help you answer difficult questions.

First Impressions

Take a minute and look at each of these people.

What’s your initial reaction to each of them?

Where do you think each reaction comes from?

Prior to any direct communication, people make judgments that are formulated from their first impressions. This happens everywhere and even though it may not be very accurate, a first impression can be lasting.

Closet filled with different types of clothes.

From the moment you step out the front door, what you’re wearing and how you act and react to things broadcasts information to the people around you.

So when you’re out and about the people you encounter will be making judgments about you based on how you appear to them. Everyone’s judgements are different.

How you carry yourself and what you wear can affect others’ assumptions about you as well as how they approach you.

Keep in mind that, to people from other cultures, you may be easily identified as American by the way you look, dress, walk, and act in public. The language that you speak and your accent could also be a giveaway.

A number of factors could influence what it is they see and assume. This will depend on the individual, their culture in general, and the current state of relations between your two countries.

A wide range of opinions about the United States and Americans exists at any given moment and those opinions may get placed upon you simply because of how you are seen.

Whether you embrace it or not, you will be seen as an unofficial representative of the United States. As an informal ambassador for your country, you want to leave a good impression.

View tips for style switching.

Three Steps

As you prepare to answer difficult questions from people addressing you as an individual and a representative of the United States, you can follow a three step process: observe, interact, and adjust. These steps will prove helpful in building your skills and confidence, and in providing you with a range of options for how to respond.

1. Observe Observe icon

2. Interact Interact icon

3. Adjust

1. Observe

First impressions serve as the starting point for each interaction. You see a person and swiftly determine whether or not he or she looks like someone you’d want to talk to. This happens quickly and almost instinctively.

You also take in the environment and setting you are in to determine your level of safety and the likelihood of a friendly encounter.

As you observe, you’re making initial assessments based on how the person looks, dresses, walks, and interacts with others. You may be able to ascertain the person’s general demeanor. At the same time, that person will be forming initial impressions about you.

Be aware, though, looks can be deceiving.

2. Interact

Based on your initial impressions and whether or not the other person has addressed you, you will decide whether or not to interact.

When you begin communicating directly with another person, you’re processing a great deal of information. You’ll assess his or her verbal and physical responses and continue to monitor the environment and setting—all in a matter of moments.

This is the point where you might be fielding difficult questions. You’ll also be making decisions about whether or not to engage in further conversation.

3. Adjust

Working from the information you’ve received, you have to decide whether or not there is an advantage to adjusting your communication style.

In real life, you won’t have the ability to contemplate your options. You’ll be making quick decisions as you move through your experiences.

Throughout all of your interactions, try to keep an open mind and work to foster the set of attitudes that will help you best engage with people around you. Keep in mind that you can use different tactics depending how you’re feeling—whether that’s responding with total frankness, remaining guarded, relying on cultural knowledge, using humor, or deflecting.

In the scenarios that follow, we’ll give you an example of a common situation in which you could encounter a difficult question and break it down into the three steps. You’ll be asked to make decisions along the way. Normally you will not have the luxury of endless time to review your options, but you do have that luxury here.

Keep in mind what you’ve learned about cross-cultural communication and the attitudes you should be trying to foster as you make your selections.

An illustrated globe with various world landmarks.

Observe

When you observe someone, your initial impressions quickly provide a lot of information. Sometimes you will know immediately if choosing to engage was a good decision, and other times it will take some back and forth conversation in order to get a better sense of the other person.

As you review the scenario in the slideshow, select the hotspots to follow the interaction.

In your new host culture, a friend has invited you to accompany her to a casual party. You have met some of the guests before but you don’t know anyone well. You take a look around to get a feel for things.

Given what you’ve observed, would you choose to engage in conversation with Angela?

There is little to suggest that this situation would be challenging from the start. The setting is comfortable and since your friend introduced you to Angela, you should probably engage with her.

In this situation, because you were introduced to Angela by a friend, it might seem strange if you simply did not engage with her. This could lead to awkwardness throughout the rest of the night.

Try to keep yourself open to engaging with new people, but know that it’s okay to avoid communicating if it’s something you don’t want to do, regardless of how well-meaning the other person is or seems to be. Sometimes we have bad days, and if you’re not careful, your bad day could be reflected when you try to communicate.

It’s okay to take a break. In some cases, politely moving on from a conversation may help you avoid making a bad impression or engaging in conflict.

Interact

After you’ve observed the setting and decided that you’re willing to engage, you’ll have to rely on your understanding of the cultural and communication norms as well as your working knowledge of the language, if it’s different from your native tongue. For this scenario we’ll assume that you’ll be speaking English with Angela.

As you review the scenario in the slideshow, select the hotspots to follow the interaction.

As you begin to converse with Angela, you continue absorbing information—from her verbal responses to her non-verbal cues, and other details from the surroundings.

Considering your observations, what is your initial impression of Angela and how would you want to respond?

It sounds like you are interested in getting Angela to see a more well-rounded picture of American culture. It’s great that you want to help others understand more about life in the United States. This could be a very fruitful approach! Try not to be defensive and be sure to remain open to others’ opinions.

It sounds like you’re interested in knowing more about Angela’s particular context and personal background. This approach can be very beneficial if you’re trying to understand where someone else is coming from and you don’t mind asking questions. In some instances, though, you can find yourself in unexpected territory.

It sounds like you’re not really interested in the topic of discussion and you want to be a good party guest. Sometimes deflection and small talk are a good way to avoid digging in to things that you might be uncomfortable discussing. This approach, as well as incorporating humor, is helpful when you want to keep things light.

Angela has only seen things that reinforce American stereotypes. I’d like to inform her about how things really are.
Angela seems curious and a bit reserved. I’d be interested to know what movies she’d seen to get this impression.
Angela seems nice enough. I’d like to keep things cordial and not really get into anything too deep.

When responding to difficult questions, whether with someone you know or someone you just met, you always have options.

You may decide to fully engage and present your personal opinion or experience, redirect the conversation, answer using humor, choose to deflect or redirect the conversation, or disengage entirely.

View tips for engaging and disengaging.

Difficult Questions Toolkit

As you interact and respond to difficult questions, you will need a toolkit of techniques to respond to these questions without offending the person you’re speaking to or misrepresenting the United States. Here are a few techniques that you should be prepared to use.

1.Relate to and emphasize shared cultural values.

Find a way to connect the question and your answer to a shared value and highlight how you could both see things the same way. Doing this successfully will rely on the cultural homework you did beforehand.

Example

2.Redefine the question.

If you do not feel comfortable answering the question posed to you, rephrase the question into one you feel comfortable answering.

Example

3.Pivot to the future.

The United States isn’t perfect. You can expect people to question our past and current state. Direct the conversation to our future goals and aspirations to help dissolve the tension.

Example

4.Address stereotypes.

The question you’re being presented with may be rooted in a stereotype of American culture. Acknowledge that stereotype in your response and pivot from there to address the question.

Example

5.Use examples from American history.

The historic events, places, and people of the United States have shaped this country and its cultural values. If a value is being questioned, refer to a moment in history that helped form this value and caused it to last into the future.

Example

Q:Why do Americans love guns?

A:I wouldn’t say that all Americans love guns, but guns are certainly engrained in our culture, dating all the way back to the Revolutionary War. During that time, Americans formed militias and needed guns to defend our country. Without them we wouldn’t have gained independence and there continues to be a lot of pride in the self-reliance that comes with gun ownership.

6.Ask questions.

Use questions to further clarify what they are asking and perhaps why they are asking you. This will help you craft an answer in direct response to what they are inquiring about. This can also show that you are interested in what the other person is asking and help defer from the original question.

Example

7.Agree to disagree.

Sometimes, it may be impossible to find a common ground with the person you are speaking with. Agreeing to disagree is an excellent method towards diffusing particularly difficult questions or situations.

Example

8.Admit you are unsure of the answer.

If you’re presented with a particularly sensitive question, you may want to admit that you are unsure of the answer and are open to interpretation.

Example

Whether or not you respond at all as well as how you respond will depend on your mood, the demeanor of the person you are communicating with, the topic of conversation, the context, and the environment.

If someone raises an issue that affects you emotionally, do your best to avoid taking personal offense. If you can keep your distance and maintain objectivity, you will likely be able to defuse the situation.

Adjust

You might have already done some adjusting of your communication preferences when choosing to engage in conversation. But once you start talking, you gather more clues, then you assess whether you need to adjust further.

As you review the scenario in the slideshow, select the hotspots to follow the interaction.

As you converse a bit with Angela, a more well-rounded picture of her emerges.

Communication Preferences

Speaks softly
Maintains close proximity
Inconsistent eye contact
Does not interrupt
Posture is relaxed
Very little physical feedback while you speak

Your Assessment

Angela seems genuinely interested in American films and culture. She asks questions in an intellectually curious way. She knows a lot about cinema. Her tone is conversational and non-threatening.

But isn’t American culture built on the idea that everyone can have the things that they want if they just work hard enough?

Given how the situation has changed, how might you respond?

Consider these possibilities:

Take a step back and begin a discussion of the historical elements that have contributed to class differences in the United States.

Use examples from American history

Laugh, and say, “Why don’t we leave a discussion of inequality for another time and enjoy the party?”

Maintain a healthy sense of humor

Nod your head and say, “That’s how it’s supposed to work. But I really don’t know that it does… How do people here balance their wants with their opportunities?”

Ask a question

In this case, even though the question may seem challenging, Angela was genuinely interested in knowing more about your take on American culture. With others in the room listening to your conversation and with the change in her demeanor, how you might respond to her questions could easily shift.

There are certainly options other than the ones we presented, and each situation will be different. In most cases, though, the details surrounding your conversation will contribute to how you choose to respond and adjust to the changing terrain.

Person looking at an American flag inside the 9/11 memorial.

Often times people are genuinely curious and want to know more about you and American culture. Their personal background and cultural context will influence how they approach things, as will yours. Certain topics might be difficult to address.

How much you want to divulge, if anything at all, will depend entirely on your read of the situation and your level of comfort.

8 Communication Tips for Handling Difficult Situations

Here are some helpful tips to consider:

1. Always be polite and respectful when responding.

Remember that you may be seen as answering for yourself and/or representing all Americans.

2. Understand the question that is being asked.

Take a moment to process the question or formulate your response. Ask for clarification.

3. Gauge the other person’s mood and intention, and adjust your tone accordingly.

If he or she is calm, answer calmly. If he or she is agitated, answer with a deliberate delivery. What you initially perceive as a challenge or criticism may merely be curiosity.

4. Be observant, open minded, and flexible.

Seek to better understand and interpret the context.

5. Be empathic and tolerant of cultural differences.

Remember that there is no one right opinion. Each culture and each person has determined mindsets that work for them and those ways of thinking are equally as valuable and useful as your ways.

6. Maintain a healthy sense of humor.

Learn to laugh at your mistakes and misunderstandings, or limited local language skills. Humor isn’t just about language, and you can use it to defer tense interactions.

7. Explain that a diverse range of opinions exist.

“The United States is very big and not everyone agrees on this topic. Some people feel strongly, while others feel...”

8. Practice! The more you do it, the easier it’s going to get.

By participating in different types of cross-cultural interactions, you’ll become more comfortable navigating through them.

By processing your own experiences, reviewing the homework you’ve done, and starting to use the tips outlined in this section, you’ll be better equipped to confidently and competently answer any difficult questions you may encounter.

About the Transition Center

About this Resource

Representing the United States—and Americans—while living and working abroad is an honor and privilege. At the same time, it can be overwhelming and intimidating to answer questions on behalf of a nation and its people, especially considering the diversity of the American experience. Every American living or working abroad needs the skills and confidence to answer difficult questions politely and substantively, while at the same time respecting the many cultural realities of all interpersonal encounters.

This interactive resource, So You’re an American? A Guide to Answering Difficult Questions Abroad, is designed to build skills and confidence in responding to difficult questions about culture and nationality. Specifically, this resource focuses on handling everyday inquiries from curious folks around the globe. Have you ever jumped in a taxi and been confronted with “Why do Americans love their guns so much?” or some such question mired in history, culture, and values? Or, have you been at a local market trying to purchase a gift and been surprised that what should have been a 10 minute encounter has turned into a 45 minute ritual of tea, presentation of goods, and detailed explanations of the craftsman’s process?

So You’re an American? A Guide to Answering Difficult Questions Abroad is an online resource created by the Department of State’s Foreign Service Institute for all Americans living and working abroad who are eager to prepare for the many informal and unofficial questions they will receive while overseas. Throughout this resource, you will explore cross-cultural communication techniques as well as various aspects of culture through self-paced activities, videos, and simulations. Participants will develop confidence in their ability to navigate difficult questions and conversations, including knowing how to disengage appropriately. This resource limits its scope to non-foreign policy questions, as those demand answers from official sources.